Since the dawn of reason, humankind has been asking itself questions.
Something within us whispers, makes us wonder, that we are somehow different, special compared to the rest of the living beings on our planet.

Something drives us toward what we now call “growth” —an endless urge to evolve, to advance by leaps and bounds. Evolution seems gradual, little by little, but when we stop and look closely, we realize it isn’t; it’s exponential.

Something pushes us to believe we are Gods, demigods, Children of God, or even “fragments” of God. Perhaps, in the end, it’s all the same.

Yet there is a strange paradox in our time: on one hand, a growing part of humanity barely needs to worry about survival anymore; on the other, we are increasingly unhappy.
On one hand, we know more and more about ourselves; on the other, we seem to grow less and less compassionate.
Something doesn’t add up.

Now: THIS ARTICLE IS UNDER REVISION.
You can, if you’ve got nothing better to do, read what I wrote five years ago—but I warn you, it’s like reading a school essay on “natural sciences.”

Where I now write more as an adult (still a work in progress, of course) is in my newsletter.
It usually comes out on Mondays, though sometimes I get inspired and write more often.
You can sign up for free here and discover why some of my readers had the genius idea of calling my emails “little retreats.”
Careful! Some say the intensity of a few of them can shake poorly built foundations.

1. WHAT IS PERSONAL GROWTH OR SELF-DEVELOPMENT

It is the ability to focus on improving your virtues and minimizing your flaws, according to the values of both society and your own conscience.

It’s the skill of becoming freer—without interfering with anyone else’s freedom.

It involves self-knowledge and a great deal of inner work (self-overcoming); and it leads to freedom and happiness through the self-control you develop.
These are the key words that walk hand in hand with personal growth.

Everyone has their own ideal of happiness, their own values, context, and way of being.
We start from the idea that each person acts the best they can at any given moment, according to the information they have and the circumstances they live in.
(To understand this, I strongly recommend the first book you’ll see listed here.)

2. HOW TO GROW AND BECOME A BETTER PERSON IF I’M ALREADY WHO I AM?

A difficult question, because the answer is never pleasant: there is no magic formula.
It happens through work. By falling and getting back up again. By realizing your mistakes, accepting responsibility, owning them—and forgiving yourself.

Because we are all human, and whoever is without sin, let them cast the first stone.
And because forgiveness is a fundamental part of self-overcoming.

Self-overcoming follows three very simple stages (followed by an endless series of others):

1. BECOMING AWARE OF A WEAKNESS
2. SETTING A GOAL (A REALISTIC ONE) AND WORKING ON IT WITH A STRATEGY
3. FAILING, FAILING, FAILING, AND FAILING AGAIN
4. IMPROVING A LITTLE BIT (suddenly and without realizing it) — first stage of self-overcoming achieved.
5. KEEP WORKING
6. KEEP FAILING
7. IMPROVE A LITTLE MORE (again, suddenly and without realizing it) — second stage achieved.
8. And so on, to infinity and beyond.

Because no, perfection as we conceive it simply doesn’t exist.

And that’s the hardest part of self-overcoming: infinite perseverance.
In our world of “I want it here and now,” perseverance becomes almost unbearable.

There are millions of reasons to be unhappy, and all of them are equally valid—from “I’m hungry,” to “I can’t afford a trip to Paradise Island,” to “I have no one to spend Christmas with.”
Each causes suffering, often with the same intensity.

Here’s the first important idea you’ll take from this:

Never blame yourself by saying, “There are people worse off than me, I shouldn’t complain.”

That’s settling for unhappiness and adding guilt on top of it.

Instead, sit down with a piece of paper and review your life—everything that has made you, or still makes you, unhappy. Make your list as long as you need.

Then, look for solutions. Find the small ledges on the wall of your well so you can start to climb.

As seasoned retreat organizers, we can tell you this: yoga changes lives.
It works on the body, mind, and spirit (if you believe in it).
It connects you with people who have found a balance that resembles happiness, and with many others who, like you, are trying to climb out of their own well.

Thanks to marketing and its many tools (magazines, social media, etc.), we’ve created a false sense of happiness—one based on instant gratification, consumption, and the idea of the “perfect life.”
But the most dangerous part of all is that, through these tools, the industry has made us active participants in building and spreading a lie that has become a trap we can’t escape:
They’ve made us believe that happiness is a state we can achieve, almost permanently, and that it depends entirely on us. They’ve made us believe that everyone else is happier than we are. And they’ve made us believe that only we hold the key to escape.
The truth is, we do have the key—but escaping the trap, as it’s been designed, is almost impossible. It takes tremendous inner strength to break free, and even then, the happiest people are unhappy most of the time.

So here’s the second idea I want you to engrave in your mind:
STOP CHASING HAPPINESS SO YOU CAN FINALLY ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

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4. WHAT MAKES PEOPLE HAPPIEST IS FREE (or almost). THE 5 PILLARS OF HAPPINESS:

0 – Stop looking for happiness. Forget about it and simply live. But live according to your values, and build a life based on these 5 fundamental pillars:

1 – Move your body. Movement releases serotonin—the happiness hormone par excellence—and, of course, it’s accompanied by endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin. All of them inseparable “friends” of happiness.

2 – Eat well. Start a small garden on your balcony. Go out to the hills to collect leaves and fruits if you can’t afford all that “organic” and “eco” stuff (though that’s probably because you don’t know my secret discovery yet). Start saving money with the famous DIY (Do It Yourself) and generate self-satisfaction. Many crafts are used as forms of therapy. Besides, spending time outdoors gives you a sense of peace, cleaner air, and therefore—happiness.

3 – Educate yourself. If you’re reading this, it means you have internet access—and therefore access to Google, the largest free information platform in the world. If you don’t know where to start, THIS IS FOR YOU.

4 – Connect with people. Depending on your plans, it might not always be free, fair enough. But here in La Hoya we love going for walks or runs with friends, hiking up mountains with our sandwiches (yes, after paying for the gas to get there).
And according to a study conducted for Coca-Cola by Margarita Álvarez with over 2,000 participants, social life is the strongest pillar of happiness.

5 – Contribute and feel useful. There are thousands of volunteer opportunities you can walk to in your city. Some are easy to join, others less so:

• Helping in soup kitchens.
• The Church may have its flaws, but one great thing it offers is countless opportunities to help others (like Cáritas).
• Cottolengos — homes for people with physical or psychological conditions who can’t fend for themselves and have no one to care for them. They always need help. Run by nuns who radiate love and compassion.
• Nursing homes — caring for the elderly who are completely alone.
• Mamás en acción — caring for hospitalized babies and children who have no family, or whose families can’t afford to stay with them.

6 – Change your idea of failure. We all fail. Even “geniuses.” Whether failure becomes a constant in your life depends entirely on you.

5. EVERYONE CREATES BUSINESSES BASED ON ‘PRODUCING HAPPINESS’.

I myself promote my home as an ‘oasis of peace and happiness.’ Because for me, in essence, it is. But this house also produces many disappointments, challenges that worry me, and many inner grieving processes, both my own and those of my guests. Ask yourself: what is happiness to you? Write it down to clarify your thoughts, and then stop thinking about it. Try to get this idea out of your mind. (You will see that ‘happiness’ is not about everything going well for you in life). Enjoy when you have to enjoy, don’t ‘pre-occupy’ yourself (worry), and when challenges arise, study your options in the wisest and most detached way possible. Let what has to happen occur by making the decisions you can make as best you know how with the information you have. Easy to say, huh? For it to also become easier to do and accept, there is only one way: MEDITATION.